There’s really no shortage of advice about how to gracefully handle a breakup. They tell you to not do this or not do that after a breakup, and some of that can be super insightful. But what if those reactions—ungraceful and unpretty as they are—are what you need to do? Now, I’m not advocating doing anything hurtful or destructive, but there’s no need to act stoic all the time when you’ve just had you’re heart broken.
I’ve dealt with breakups in unhealthy ways, and though I don’t advise following EVERY one of my previous footsteps, some of the best ways I’ve begun to heal have been by doing the things the Internet has told me not to do after heartbreak.
Get a Little Drunk
Obviously, I don’t suggest you take this to an extreme where you could harm yourself. But for those who enjoy a cocktail, alcohol has a way of loosening you up and hopefully taking your mind off of the breakup. Even if you end up sobbing on your friend’s shoulder, it might be just the release you need.
Bad Mouth Your Ex
As someone who has a tendency to only focus on the good memories, it has often helped me to sit with a friend and bad mouth my ex so that I can remember all of the reasons why it didn’t work out with us—rather than missing all the good qualities that tend to stick out in your mind after a relationship ends. The caveat: be smart about who you’re talking to you, and don’t go airing your opinions out in public or on social media.
I don’t care if this seems petty, because when you’re browsing your social media there is no worse kick in the gut than when your recent ex pops up on your screen. If you don’t want to go that far, Facebook at least has ways to unfollow a person so their updates don’t appear on your newsfeed but you are still technically friends with them. And be honest with yourself, too: If you’re the type to “check up” on how they’re doing without you, don’t even give yourself the option. Unfriend immediately!
Download All the Dating Apps
You probably aren’t ready to start dating again, but talking to people and realizing you can be attracted to a new person is a great way to start looking forward to your newfound singledom. The biggest mistake you can make here is trying to start dating before you’re ready, which usually happens when you’re trying to “win” the breakup. I only suggest using the apps in order to begin talking to people and getting your flirt on.
Throw Everything Away
There is of course sentimentality and memories attached to everything that has accumulated over the course of your relationship with this person, which is exactly why they need to go. It can be hard to get rid of the great memories you had with this person by dropping off a box at Goodwill or their front steps, but it’s much better than accidentally finding the movie ticket from your first date and sobbing on your bedroom floor when you were just trying to find your summer wedges.
What have you done to get over a breakup? Tweet us your advice @feather_mag!