When you get ready to get naked with someone for the first time, you have all these expectations.
It’s going to be just like those steamy sex scenes in your favorite movies. You’ll put the kissing-in-the-rain scene from The Notebook to shame with the level of hotness coming from you and your new partner. And Fifty Shades of Grey is tame compared to the skills you’ll be bringing to bedroom.
But then reality sets in and is often much, much different. How do you know if the sexual encounter was merely awkward and worth a second go or should be written off as a bad memory? Take this handy quiz to find out!
Leg cramps up while between the sheets? Awkward.
Wishing for a leg cramp so you can call it quits? Bad.
Both of you are all elbows and knees? Awkward.
Sexy time turns into a fisticuffs wrestling match? Bad.
A cell phone rings beneath someone’s back? Awkward.
Your partner stops that so good thing they’re doing to answer it? Bad.
The bed bounces so much both of you fall off? Awkward.
The bed bounces so much it falls through the floor to the apartment below? Bad*.
*Imagine explaining that one to the paramedics. And maintenance crew. And landlord.
Your partner makes up a new and rather strange pet name for you? Awkward.
Your partner calls you by their ex’s name? Bad.
Your partner rushes through foreplay before you suggest slowing down a bit? Awkward.
Your partner completely forgoes foreplay and finishes before you’ve even gotten started? Bad.
Having sex is fun but fraught with hilarious pitfalls and comedic moments. If you or your partner does something embarrassing, realize that it’s okay, share a laugh and continue on. A bad sexual experience is one in which there is no chemistry whatsoever, or your partner shows no respect for you or your pleasure. Know the difference!
Happy sex-ing, everyone.